


Stars Go Out

by Nebulad



Series: Gift Fic [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Mass Effect
Genre: Crossover, F/F, F/M, Isabela/Fenris/Hawke/Not-Hawke, Multi, OT4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 17:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3298643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulad/pseuds/Nebulad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris tore out of the escape pod, his pulse punching through his veins so quickly that he felt his suit struggle to adjust. She'd promised him she'd be in the escape pod after him. The ship only had three, and she had to get Bela out of the cockpit. The stubborn Asari refused to leave the Siren, but had insisted that he take Luca and go. He'd had to bodily throw the biotic into the pod as she tried to use her power to hold the ship together- a vain hope, noble, but ultimately Fenris cared more about her life than the fucking ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars Go Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vashoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vashoth/gifts).



Fenris tore out of the escape pod, his pulse punching through his veins so quickly that he felt his suit struggle to adjust. She'd promised him she'd be in the escape pod after him. The ship only had three, and she had to get Bela out of the cockpit. The stubborn Asari refused to leave the  _Siren,_ but had insisted that he take Luca and go. He'd had to bodily throw the biotic into the pod as she tried to use her power to hold the ship together- a vain hope, noble, but ultimately Fenris cared more about her life than the fucking ship.

The second escape pod hit ground and Fenris tried to resist the urge to tear the damn door off. Merrill emerged first, shaking from head to foot and carrying a large chunk of Varric's processor, that a shivering Luca scrambled to help her with. Several of Bela's technicians and engineers followed, and the pod was empty save for them. Anders hurried over to begin checking the crew for injuries and Fenris felt faint.

He turned on his comm, reminded that they were all still linked through Varric's in tact systems. “Hawke?” he asked frantically, well past the point of trying to maintain a cool distance.

“Here, Fen. Are you worried about me?” She sounded scared. He hated it, and by the way that Luca moved over to dig her fingertips into his arms he could tell that she did too.

“Yes,” he said, feeling foolish. “Yes, I'm worried. Are you in a pod?” Silence, for a long while.

“Starlight, sweetie, are you in a pod?” the Asari beside him asked, her fingers digging deeper. He didn't even feel the pain and moved to take her hand and squeeze.

“Yeah babe, in the pod with Bela. On my way down,” she said in a quiet voice.

“Is Bela okay?” he asked. There had to be a reason she sounded so afraid. Hawke was never afraid, she was too bone fucking stupid to be afraid. Give her two pistols and she could take on the galaxy without sweating.

“I'm not sure. She's alive, though. You can see when she gets down there,” she answered.

“When you both get down here,” Luca corrected, searching the sky. The pod broke through the clouds but his pulse didn't steady and his stomach felt sick.

“Yeah, Lucky.”

“I can see you coming down. Are you sure everything is all right?” he asked.

“Everything's okay... I love you, do you know that? All of you. Lucky. Goose. My pirate queen.”

“Hawke,” he hissed her name, feeling like he was going to vomit. He held on to Luca who seemed ready to fall to pieces, both of their eyes glued to the sky. The pod hit the ground and did an ungraceful roll before coming to a stop. The door flew open and Bela leapt out, tripping over the frame of the door and falling to her knees. She screamed so hard that her voice seemed to fail her. Great choking sobs broke from her and Fenris has never been more afraid in his life. Luca wailed and ran to Bela.

“Is she okay?” Hawke asked mildly.

_“Where are you?”_ Luca screamed and distantly he heard Merrill start to cry.

“Is Bela okay?” Hawke repeated.

“She's fine,  _where are you?”_ He was fogging up his helmet.

“Shh, you're scaring everyone, Goose. Everything is going to be fine,” she said softly. “I'm... in space, to be honest.” She laughed a little bit and his chest clenched.

“Are you okay?” he asked, trying not to break down. There was a silence that dragged on long enough to make him nauseous. “Hawke?”

“I'm scared,” she admitted quietly.

“You're going to be okay, Starlight!” Luca insisted loudly. “You're going to be fine, someone will notice the wreck and come get you!”

“Do not be frightened,” he urged her quietly. “Nothing is going to hurt you. Stay sharp and avoid debris until someone notices the crash.” Rees laughed.

“I'm still scared,” she admitted. His heart ached and Luca squeezed Bela tighter, both of them shaking under the weight of their sobs.

There was a great unholy cacophony that ripped its way through the comm system and prompted a few of the crew to tear out their earpieces. It stung like a bullet, but Fenris kept his in firmly. Luca and Bela did as well. “Hawke, what was that?” he demanded, his voice shaking. It crackled through the speakers on his suit, already strained from the terror of the afternoon.

That's when the choking began. Isabela watched the snow around them in horror, tears pouring down her face; Luca's wailing grew in pitch and intensity and she tore at her fringe, starting to biotically throw things in vain. Fenris' whole body felt suddenly numb as Hawke gasped for air. She was crying, he could hear, sobbing in between the choking. “Starlight, please. Please.” He was crying, which was a strange thing. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd cried. “Rees please tell me what to do, how do I save you?  _Someone help her!”_ He turned to face the crew who stared blankly at the sky.

The choking ended in a gurgling sigh and there was suddenly silence. Luca was still howling and Isabela hadn't moved an inch. Fenris fell to the ground, though he barely felt the impact. “Rees,” he murmured frantically. “Starlight, please. Please answer me.” There was nothing except the low hum of the ship pieces floating through space. “Please Rees, you cannot die. You promised me you'd be in a pod right behind me. You  _promised_ me.”

“We have to move,” Anders said quietly. Nobody responded. “The ship will be right behind us and we'll be crushed if we don't move.” The medic walked over to Merrill and very gently helped her up off of the escape pod where she'd fallen. She was trembling all over and clutching an unresponsive Varric for dear life. Anders handed her off to one of the engineers, then moved to Isabela and helped her up. She followed him like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

Luca was harder to reign in, and much more dangerous to approach. She was attempting to crush one of the pods and doing a fairly good job of it when Fenris finally snapped. “Luca, go with Anders,” he snarled. She froze where she was, turning to face him. _“Now,”_ he insisted vehemently. Her biotics faded back into her skin and she shuffled over to him.

“Fenris,” she whined, but tears seemed slow to come. The golden dye she used was smeared with tears that had already fallen, mixing with the green of her skin to make her vaguely ill.

“Go with Anders,” he insisted again.

“What about-”

“Luca,” he hissed, and she stood up and shakily followed after Bela where Anders had directed her.

“Fenris,” Anders said finally, his tone so gentle that the Quarian wanted to tear his filthy throat out.

“Don't touch me,” he snarled.

“I wasn't going to. We have to move,” he said firmly.

“Go fuck yourself.” He hated how his voice quivered, how he could barely take air in. Hawke's last desperate bid for oxygen was ringing through his ears and he couldn't focus on anything else.

“You can't just stay here and wait to die, now get your skinny ass moving,” he barked. Fenris vaguely recognized that the loathsome biotic was trying to force him into action by making him angry. As if shouting could refocus his attention away from the gut wrenching, silent comm, silent save for the broken weeping of Merrill whispering in Quarian and Luca's sniffling. He didn't move. He should have- Bela could be slipping into shock and Luca was clearly panicking- but he didn't.

“I have to wait for her,” he said instead. Anders sighed, the lines around his eyes growing darker.

“She isn't coming, Fenris.” He said it with such an absolute conviction that Fenris' gut clenched.

“You don't know that,” he argued weakly. She might have saved herself, she may have only fallen unconscious. Her suit may have saved her and damn those hideously weak human suits that were good for nothing at _all..._

“I do. Now come on,” he said sternly. He didn't say 's _he isn't coming back alive'_ and Fenris was sure that one day he would be grateful for the omission.

* * * * *

The funeral was enormous and Rees would have hated it. _She would have hated any funeral of hers, I imagine,_ he thought blandly. He would have snorted if mirth wasn't so leaden in his chest. He sat on the podium with the rest of the crew- sans Varric, whose advanced AI was being hidden by Isabela- and Hawke's family. Well, her uncle and her sister at least.

The Council was there too, damn them, and Fenris could have swore the Turian was sneering. It was hard to tell with the plates, but whatever the expression was it was neither respect nor sadness. He tightened his fist, but relaxed it. _If you're going to start a fistfight at her funeral, make it count,_ he thought. _She would settle for no less than cracking one of his smug plates as she was being lowered._ He grunted out loud, leaning over a bit. He felt ill.

Isabela looked much like she had on the day she'd emerged from the escape pod without Hawke. She was wan and looked thinner, and he doubted she had done much in the way of showering for a while- not that it was particularly apparent on an Asari. She looked massively uncomfortable, fidgeting in her seat and gnawing at her lip. Merrill sat beside her, holding her hand and trembling. She was wearing green wraps on her suit- they had been Hawke's favourite. _Make you look like a woodland sprite or something,_ she'd teased.

Luca was sitting apart from all of them, looking confused. He hadn't seen her since they'd been rescued off of the crash planet, and she'd made no effort to contact him. He'd heard, though, that the Consort had come back in full force and was rather more terrifying than she had been. He could never see Luca as frightening though, especially with that look on her face- as if she were at a party for Rees and wondering why she hadn't shown up yet. He half expected her to wander over closer to him and ask where she was.

Anders, as he was wont to do, was wearing very little. He was covered, mercifully, but looked more like he'd just crawled out of a ditch in Omega than in attendance at a pseudo-military funeral. _That's... not a bad guess,_ Fenris thought wryly. None of them had seen the biotic since they'd been rescued from the crash site. Looking at him slouched in his seat, Omega was downright probable. _Now the real question: is he addicted to red sand and went where it's most plentiful, or is he doing something idiotic like running a clinic in gang town?_ Fenris gave the man a hard look. He looked haggard, with deep black rings under his red, puffy eyes. His collarbones and hip bones stuck out sharply underneath his thin, dry skin. _Both,_ Fenris decided.

Aveline was there too, but her face was unreadable. She stood tall and straight, like a proper Turian officer, staring at the shiny black coffin that was supposed to be holding Hawke's body. It wasn't, though. Aveline had told him. _They released a missive that said they'd found her body, but they never did. Chances are very high... are you sure you want to hear this Fenris?_ He hadn't, but he insisted upon being told anyway. _If you're sure... chances are high that Hawke's body disintegrated before hitting ground. We aren't... positive, mind you, but we think that there's a chance there was very little of her body left to find. They tried, Fenris, but..._

He shook his head, swallowing back bile. _Disintegrated._ Her face, with her irritatingly cocky grin and her electric eyes that had seemed to devour him as he pulled off his suit had disintegrated before managing to hit the planet. Her arms, strong and dexterous, the arms that held squeezed around his back as she pressed kisses to his suit and the arms that had squeezed he and Luca and Bela together until they gasped for air, were more than dead- erased from existence. Her back, always so sore from her infuriating insistence upon _charging_ enemies until she couldn't stand up; the back he had pressed kisses on hesitantly while Luca encouraged him and Bela helped, all the hard muscle that had unwound as he attempted to familiarize himself with the human body, _her_ body... incinerated.

The Council had finished their opening ceremony and begun with speeches before Fenris had himself mostly under control. The Turian councillor lauded her bravery, an absolute fearlessness in the face of danger. Fenris remembered once how she had shuffled into the observatory where he had holed himself up, and threw herself over his lap like a varren who thought it was one of those Earth-dogs. For lack of anything better to do, he played with her hair. _I want to go home, Fen,_ she'd mumbled, almost too low for him to hear. _You are home,_ he'd reminded her, which had prompted an embarrassed grin and a hasty, sloppy kiss on the warm edge of his helmet. She hadn't been fearless, but perhaps she'd been braver than anyone would ever give a pirate credit for.

The Asari went over her selflessness and sacrifice, and the Salarian rattled off a list of her achievements. The brand new human Councilor, shockingly enough Rees' very own Uncle Gamlen, mourned the loss of a human icon. Fenris hated hearing it. He hated listening to praises of this watered down hero Hawke- Rees Shepard, who hadn't even existed- who had never been a pirate, never been in a gang, had treated her crew as 'her dearest friends'. It was a flat picture of how it had been- Hawke stealing a shipment of dextro wine so he had something to drink on card night. Hawke humming to Luca when the Asari needed something clear to focus on. Hawke slamming back drinks with Bela and making lewd jokes about _unjamming her gun._ The way Hawke had accidentally knocked her head against his helmet a thousand times because she'd thought she saw the line of his nose or his chin; until that night where he'd shown her what was under the mask and she'd turned so red that he'd thought she was sick and told him in a rough, whispered voice that he was _perfect..._

“I think Gamlen would have a stroke if we stood up and told him Hawke and us were... _fraternizing,”_ Isabela whispered, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. It was good to see her looking somewhat animated, though, so Fenris nodded although he didn't bother to fake a smile the Asari couldn't see anyway. “Yeah, she was so accepting of non-humans on her ship. So tolerant. She once tolerated you and Lucky so loudly Varric had to soundproof the room so they could sleep.” That made him laugh quietly, though it felt like gravel against his throat.

The ceremony went on, with the family declining to make a speech- from the look on Bethany's face, she had nothing to say about this two dimensional space-hero the Council had fabricated for this media circus. The crew declined as well, although Fenris itched to cause trouble- _once, while we were having sex, Luca's biotics went off and threw me and Rees off the bed and Starlight laughed so hard she started crying-_ but he decided that he would spare her sister the embarrassment.

It was a relief to get to the restaurant where the crew and the family were holding a private memorial. Fenris could still hear the clicking of omni-tools taking pictures, but it bothered him less where he could actually reach out and squeeze Isabela's hand when she started jabbering to fill the silence, and finally draw Luca against him before she wandered off the edge of the station. He settled down in between the two of them and ended up across from Hawke's younger sister. She smiled at him, though her face still looked raw and red from crying. “It's been awhile Fenris,” she said. He nodded.

“Likewise,” he said quietly. He felt like he hadn't used his voice since screaming for Hawke over the comm. “You're a biotics professor now?” he asked, trying to pretend like he knew how to hold a conversation. It was difficult- he was so used to Hawke's teasing and Bela's dirty humour and Lucky's terrible jokes that he wasn't sure he knew how to speak to someone normal.

“Oh, I guess. Technically. It sounds a bit drier than it is,” she said with a weak little titter. “You and her...” He clenched his teeth. He had no idea what Hawke had told her family and what she had withheld. Would she forgive him for revealing that secret after her death? “She... she adored you. All of you, Bela and Luca too,” Bethany's voice was shaking and Fenris exhaled. Perhaps she had told them. “I, uhm... I have some emails I thought I might share with you. I know my sister could be a bit of... of an asshole, so I thought it would be nice if... oh sod it...” She was crying again, fiddling with her omni-tool.

His own tool blinked, and Bethany stood up. She excused herself hastily and shuffled off to the washroom. Isabela and Luca followed her- Isabela so that none of the media leeches would harass her in her private moment, and Luca no doubt because Bethany's sad song was something to focus on- something that sounded close enough to Rees to hang on to. It left Fenris on a bench by himself, with everyone else occupied. Anders looked to be arguing with the Uncle Gamlen that Hawke had despised- and perhaps by the end of the day Fenris would fight with him too- and Merrill had excused herself as well.

He opened the emails, careful that there was no way someone would get a picture of them through the window. There were three, each spanning over the short time he'd been on Hawke's crew.

 

Bethy,

The Quarian (his name's Fenris !!) seems to be settling in okay. I'm a little nervous to go see him, actually, he's just so... quiet? Stoic? I don't know, but it works for him (is it weird to be attracted to a suit?? I mean yeah it's a Quarian thing but I don't know it still seems a bit odd...). He must be _so_ tough to have avoided Cerberus for so long (please don't get started about Cerberus involvement, yes I'm safe) so I'm also like, HALF afraid he's going to melee me into the next century...

You know Quarians right??? What do I say to him??? Like “nice suit”?? Would it be weird for me to try hitting on him?? I mean obviously I want him to be comfortable blah blah blah but? Maker he's just so... I mean you watch a man rip someone's heart out of their chest, how do you convey that it's the hottest thing you've ever seen? “The way you brutally murdered that man gives me butterflies”?? Please respond Beth, this is very important business. I'm gunna mark this letter as urgent so you read it during your class...

 

Fenris smiled to himself, his throat feeling tight. Hawke had always told him that she'd been _madly in love_ from the first time she'd watched him kill someone, but it was... satisfying to see physical proof of her infatuation. _She's never going to have butterflies in her stomach again._ He gritted his teeth and flipped to the next one.

 

BETH,

I SAW HIS FACE I SAW IT HE SHOWED ME!! LIKE THERE WAS A LIGHT THING HE FLIPPED ON AND I COULD SEE HIS FACE. BETHANY !! BETHANY !!

I'm trying to think of how to describe it to you, but... I don't know?? His NOSE and his EYES, Andraste's puffy pants _HIS EYES_ I should throw him in the brig. Throw him in prison his FACE Beth and he SMILED AT ME then just shut it off I thought I was going to DIE. Bela and Lucky were there with me and Luca GASPED Maker I am going to... I don't even know what I'm going to do. He showed us his face his actual face. I'm shouting, Bethany, are you ever not in class so we can TALK, message me back THE SECOND you're free !!

 

“Fenris, are you all right?” Bela was back and slid into the booth next to him. He didn't know when he had curled up to rest his helmet on the table but in retrospect he could see where her concern was coming from. He was crying again- he'd thought he was done with that days ago but he just _missed her._ He missed her so badly, and he was afraid that one day he would look for her- to tell her a joke, to kiss her, to make sure she hadn't charged herself off a cliff- and he would remember all over again that she was _gone._ There wasn't even a body left to miss, Hawke was just a memory.

“I have to go,” he said hurriedly, hating himself for the pathetic way his voice quivered. “Please give me condolences to the family, I have to-,” he stopped sharply when he felt a sob writhe up this throat. He scrambled away so fast he bumped the table and felt a bruise forming on his thigh. He didn't care. He remembered the head cold he had suffered after the first time he and Hawke had sex, and he remembered coughing so hard his throat hurt but trying to hide it from her and the others. He had managed to convince her for a week that their immune systems were miraculously compatible and she hadn't made him ill. When she found out she'd been so angry, and she'd docked at the Citadel to practically buy out the Quarian Health and Wellness store and given it all to him. _Hawke I don't need pills for lactation stimulation,_ he'd said flatly, and she'd just rolled her eyes and kept digging until she found something he needed. Then she'd doubled the damage by telling Luca that he was sick and it had been a solid three weeks of fussing.

He rushed down the street, eager to be away from the entire funeral. She'd put her arms around him, and Luca had wrapped them all up in heavy blankets ( _Girls, my suit regulates my environment, blankets have no effect-)_ and they'd all taken a sick week together. He'd discovered a supreme satisfaction with being touched, even if he was inside the suit. He'd also discovered that for all her bad ass bluster, Rees was without a doubt a cuddler.

She would never take a sick day with him again. She would never stroke his helmet and ask if he had a fever, she would never mistakenly buy him PMS pills again, she would never complain about how hard it was to find dextro food in small colonies that they docked in. By the time Fenris reached the hotel room he had rented out for the funeral, he was breathing so heavily one would think he'd sprinted all the way there. He shoved open the door and locked it behind him, sitting down so heavily on the bed that the cheap mattress squealed in protest. He opened his omni-tool.

 

Bethieee,

I'm a _wee_ bit drukn. Drunk. Whatever. It's card knight and fenris n me had a drinkin contest. Bela was there too bu t she always wins and Lucky can't drink so. So it was me n fen and i swear that xdetro shit is less alcoholic bc fenris aint even sweatin. He's passed out ut I mean i think it was bc he was tired. Hes got his arm around me im squealin actualy.

Maker I love hsi stupdi pretty face. I eman he's wearin his helmet right now b ut I still lvoe his face and his mouth and his eyes and hise nose and ever stupid square inch of his stpiud body. Even the funny backwards knees (but my knees r probably backwards to him so idk, Ihope he loves my wonked up backwards knees too). And Luca and Bels crawle in w us to and lUcky is snugglin me n fen is snugglinm me n bels is snugglin fen- Im gunan send u a pic of us hang on... see arent ehy gorg?? Fen's got his helmet and his whole body i love him and he told me that whatever happens hell stay with me until th ende. I asked him what the end was and he said he didnt kno though. We're gboth kinda drunk. But it hink its sweet bc he's stayin even though he dont know whats gunna happen.

 

The attached picture was one he had seen before- he remembered Hawke telling them the next morning that she'd drunk texted her sister a picture of them and proudly shown it. He had been fast asleep but she was grinning and curled up against him, while Luca's face has been buried in Rees' hair and Bela had her arm slung drunkenly over Fenris' chest. It was hard to tell in the dark, but Rees had also fogged up his helmet and drew a heart on it with her finger. He'd woken up with his arms full of a hungover Hawke, with his own headache making him tint his helmet darker and curl under the blankets he didn't need.

Fenris' shoulders shook as he sobbed, because he sat alone in a hotel room for four and there was nothing left in the universe of the woman who had promised him the entirety of it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> handy dandy reference chart for this absolute nightmare:
> 
> Rees Hawke: "Shepard"- human, she actually kills Shepard and takes on her identity because even pirates make mistakes. She's usually accompanied by her younger sister Bethany and staunchly avoids her Uncle Gamlen.
> 
> Luca/Lucky: NOT HAWKE. Asari, escaped a Ceberus lab where rachni were being experimented on (rachni and herself, bc Asari have that cool mind touch sex power?), started dying herself gold (because it's exciting and sensationalist) and calling herself the Consort. Accompanied by her brother Carver (the most ripped Asari in the universe tbqh) and staunchly avoids her mother, Matriarch Leandra (lmao).
> 
> Fenris: Quarian, another escaped Cerberus experiment- the effects that the integration of Reaper tech has on the bodies of different species. Constantly hunted by the organization and finding it difficult to lay low when your Reaper tech occasionally glows, he meets Rees as she helps him dodge the Cerberus on his heels in the Citadel Wards. He joins her crew to pay his debt, stays for the literal ocean of tit.
> 
> Captain Isabela: Asari, and the best goddamn pilot in the known universe (and probably beyond that tbqh). "The Siren's Call" is her ship and the other three are her subordinates (wink wonk).
> 
> Anders: Human, biotic, red sand addict. He'll generally take the places of both Mordin Solus and Chakwas, the ship medic that joins up to dodge the authorities and various gang members that are definitely trying to kill him.
> 
> Merrill: Poor Merrill is a Quarian exile that is CERTAIN that she can build her own functioning geth, and once she does she'll better understand them and the homeland and what happened in the war.
> 
> Varric: EDI. Varric is definitely EDI. He's the ship's AI system that's good for a joke and will RELISH making Isabela crawl through the ducts.


End file.
